With his carefree stage persona, boisterous laugh, and fondness for partying, Bert Kreischer has earned the nickname “The Machine.” And while his frat-boy antics may be his claim to fame, Bert has ridden that notoriety all the way to the bank. So how much has this stand-up comic turned media personality racked up along the way? Let’s break down Bert Kreischer net worth and find out.
Kreischer’s Humble Beginnings
Long before selling out theaters and hosting reality shows, Bert was just another class clown growing up in Tampa, Florida. His antics got him into trouble often, like the time in kindergarten when he got kicked out for pulling down another kid’s pants. Despite his goofy behavior, Bert showed early entrepreneurial hustle, mowing 30 lawns every weekend to build his savings.
In college at Florida State, Bert’s partying became legendary after a trip to Russia where he earned his “Machine” nickname. While his liver took a beating, the stories gave him material for stand-up after graduation when he moved to New York City.
Killing at Comedy Clubs…Then Almost Dying
New York’s comedy scene wasn’t so welcoming at first. Kreischer struggled for years, bartending to get by as he played sparsely attended sets at dingy clubs. The big break came 6 years in when his “Machine” story killed on stage, attracting interest from comedy heavyweights.
With some momentum finally building, life threw Bert a curveball in 2003. He was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder and spent months hospitalized, losing nearly 50 pounds from his already lean frame. Though it almost killed him, the ordeal gave Bert fresh perspective.
“It taught me that any day when you’re upright and breathing is a total blessing” – Bert Kreischer
Stand-up Success and Crossover Appeal
Bert came back to comedy with new material centered on family life as a father of two daughters. While still anchored in his party-boy persona, the relatability of his family stories connected even more with audiences.
He started landing higher profile gigs on late night talk shows and comedy tours. His 2010 stand-up special “Bert Kreischer: Comfortably Dumb” now has over 1.5 million YouTube views introducing him to legions of new fans.
As a master storyteller, Bert translated well onto podcasts like Joe Rogan and shows like Anthony Bordain’s “No Reservations”, further expanding his appeal. Today, his affordable ticket prices and killer merch sales easily sell out theaters across the country.
Conquering Reality TV
Never one to slow down, Bert expanded into hosting reality shows capitalizing on his innate talents: partying and traveling. From getting hammered across the globe in Travel Channel’s “Bert the Conqueror” to judging bikini contests for “Hurt Bert” on FX, Kreischer played to his strengths.
In 2015, he combined travel and stand-up with “Bert the Conqueror: Funny as Hell” featuring his act interweaved with challenges like scorpion eating. Viewers ate it up, as did streaming services buying up reality content. The success continues today with two more travel food show seasons streaming on Netflix starting in 2022: “The Cabin with Bert Kreischer” and “Bad Trip.”
Bertattributes his reality TV windfall to one thing: “Nobody can party or travel quite like The Machine.”
Podcast Domination: “Bertcast” and “2 Bears, 1 Cave”
Never resting in one place for long, Bert took his talents to podcasting launching his show “Bertcast” in 2012. He brought the same wild energy of his stand-up to long-form interviews with everyone from comedians to porn stars.
“Bertcast” averages over 1 million downloads per episode, earning him a dedicated niche. But his flagship today is the hugely popular “2 Bears, 1 Cave” co-hosted with Tom Segura. Ranking among the top comedy podcasts globally, the duo’s unfiltered banter around parenting, pop culture, and more pulls in $35-40k per month.
Between YouTube clips (253 million+ views) and sold-out live shows, the bear’s empire keeps rising. In 2022, their 102-show tour grossed over $7 million dollars according to Bert.
How Bert Spends His Cash
While plenty prudent with his earnings, Bert enjoys splashing some cash on exotic vacations and toys. He and his wife LeeAnn have three luxury homes between LA, Austin, and the ritzy Tampa neighborhood of Avila. When not lounging in one of his pools, Bert hits the open road in style in his decked out Airstream RV.
Yet despite the trappings, Bert keeps it real just grubbing at Chili’s, his favorite restaurant next to TGI Fridays. He may rock diamonds on stage, but Kreischer still stocks his fridge full of beloved Diet Coke and Oreos.
“No matter what I spend money on, I’ll always be that jackass with his shirt off” – Bert Kreischer
What is Bert Kreischer’s Net Worth in 2023?
After decades of touring, TV shows, and licensing deals, Bert sits comfortably atop an empire valued around $14 million dollars. Given the soaring popularity of “2 Bears, 1 Cave”, his assets should continue climbing well into the decade.
Regardless what the number ultimately lands at, Bert said it best: “I never set out to get rich, I just wanted to make enough not wearing pants.” By sticking to his carefree authenticity, Kreischer seems destined to keep laughing all the way to the bank.
The Party Rolls On
In the go-go-go world of entertainment, nothing lasts forever. But something tells me we haven’t seen the last of Bert Kreischer’s escapades quite yet. At just 50 years old and still rocking an epic dad bod, Bert doesn’t show any signs of slowing down his hustle.
Whether it’s selling out theaters, ruling podcast charts, or chanting with Jäger-bombed crowds at 2am, this machine keeps on partying even harder. And you can bet whatever he does next, Kreischer will continue riding his trademark blend of humor, hustle and hedonism all the way to the bank.
So if anyone asks, yes, The Machine’s net worth looks pretty, pretty, pretty good these days. And something says Bert wouldn’t have it any other way.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What was Bert’s big break into comedy?
A: Telling his infamous “Machine” story on stage which attracted attention from comedy execs like Bill Bellamy. This led to Bert’s first televised stand up hour in 2004.
Q: How much money does the “2 Bears, 1 Cave” podcast make?
A: Bert has said the show brings in $35-40k per month between ads and merchandise. Their 2022 live tour also grossed over $7 million.
Q: Did Bert really rob a train in Russia to earn his “Machine” name?
A: No, that part is exaggeration and an urban legend of sorts. The real story involves Bert drunkenly impressing Russian mobsters who dubbed him “The Machine.”
Q: What was the blood disorder Bert suffered from in 2003?
A: He was diagnosed with a rare condition called Idiopathic Thrombocytopenia (ITP) which caused his platelet levels to drop dangerously low.
Q: How did Bert meet his wife LeeAnn Kreischer?
A: LeeAnn was a producer on Bert’s Travel Channel show “Bert The Conqueror” starting in 2010. They married in 2014 and have two daughters.